Missing Her
by Klutzygirl33
Summary: Spoilers for the season eight finale, "The Replicator". After it's all over and Alex gets home, she starts to mourn the loss. Mentions of past Strauss/Blake


**I don't own Criminal Minds and never will. No copyright infringement intended.**

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After giving her statement about what had happened with the Replicator, Alex finally headed back home. She was exhausted, especially after being kidnapped, and she desperately wanted to see James. Alex had been terrified for a while there that she was going to die like Erin had, but luckily that hadn't happened. When she stepped through the door and called for her husband and James didn't answer, the events of the past few days finally caught up to her. She dropped her suitcases on the floor and began to cry, which is where James found her.

"Hey, what's wrong? What happened?" He pulled her in for a hug.

She answered him through the sobs. "Erin was murdered and then that bastard kidnapped me."

James didn't have time to process that but he tried his best to comfort his wife. "I'm sorry, Alex. Are you okay? Were you hurt? Did you get whoever did this?"

Alex shook her head. "I'm fine. And yes, we got him. He's dead." She was slowly starting to calm down, but the grief was a little overwhelming. She and Erin had finally gotten past everything that had happened and were friends again.

"That's great. Otherwise I may have gone after him for this." James hadn't seen this wife fall apart like this very often and he hated it every time.

She laughed. "Thanks for trying to make me feel better. I'm okay now."

"You sure?"

"Yes. I'm exhausted and I want a bath before I go to bed so I'm going now."

He shook his head. "Why don't you let me take care of the bath and just relax?" He didn't want her to do any unnecessary work when she was this upset and had just been kidnapped. This was one of the reasons he wanted her to go to Harvard with him, but James accepted her decision and was fine with it.

She went to tell him she could do it herself, but found she didn't have the energy. "Thank you so much."

"You don't have to thank me, but you're welcome." James kissed Alex and then headed towards the bathroom to start a bath for his wife. After a little while he called her in and then left her alone to relax. He had been about to go to bed before she showed up, but decided to wait until she was ready. He wasn't letting her deal with this alone.

Alex had moved on from her short relationship with Erin Strauss but now her death was bringing up memories she had tried so hard to forget after the betrayal. Their relationship had been over for a long time by that point, but it had still hurt. They had been in love once and nothing could ever change that. She still remembered their first date, first time they made love, the bitter fight that had led to their break-up. Of course, they had apologized a long time afterwards, but those issues had been brought back up after what Erin did. It was nice to get past that, though, and Alex was grateful that she had accepted the other woman's apology. She wasn't sure what she'd be feeling now if she had rejected it and didn't want to know. There was a knock on the door and Alex startled. "Yes?"

"Just checking to see that you didn't fall asleep. You doing okay in there?"

She nodded before realizing that he couldn't see it. "Yes, I'm fine. Just thinking. I'll be out in about ten minutes." And true to her word, Alex was out of the bath and in their bedroom within ten minutes.

James smiled at her when she lay down on the bed. "When's the funeral?"

"Not sure yet, but I assume it's soon. I'll definitely be going."

"How are you really? And don't lie to me. I know you're upset. You must be – Erin was your ex-girlfriend. You loved her. This can't be easy."

"It's not easy at all, but I'm going to be fine. I can guarantee you that. And I have to see someone because of my kidnapping, but it didn't last for very long. He didn't do anything to me so it's not affecting me." She was lying and that would come back to bite her in the ass later, but neither of them knew that yet.

He didn't buy that she was okay for a second, but he let Alex believe it. "Well I'll be here whenever you need me. I'm not at Harvard yet."

She hesitantly smiled at him. "I know that and I love you for it."

"I love you, too." He kissed her and then squeezed her hand in support. James was determined to be the shoulder Alex leaned on even if she wasn't ready for it yet. He knew her and what she was like. She would probably grieve quietly for a little while before finally moving on and that was okay. Alex had been like this after her mother's death, too.

Alex closed her eyes and fell asleep rather quickly, but she was plagued by nightmares the entire time. She couldn't stop imagining and seeing what Erin must have gone through during her slow, painful death. She was grateful that Hotch had been with her in her final moments and that she hadn't been alone when it happened. Alex knew Rossi felt the same way and hoped he was doing okay with all of this considering that he and Erin had been together. They had kept it quiet, but everyone knew about their relationship. She was glad that Erin had been sober and happy over the past year – That was what mattered.

They buried Erin two days later and that night, they went to Rossi's to reminisce about her life. It was nice to share happy memories of the woman she would always love and it helped Alex heal a little and start to move on. She would grieve for her for a while, however. And Alex Blake would never forget Erin Strauss. She'd make sure of it.


End file.
